My Stupid Journals: From God’s Peace to Inner Peace
The story of a brainwashed but stubborn woman’s return to herself, with excerpts from her stupid journals
“There’s gotta be something I can do with all of this shit.” — Me, December of 2020
I’m a survivor. Luckily, I came out of the womb stubborn. Despite my seeming ‘strength,’ I am as sensitive as hell. Writing has always been there for me.
I’ve been through some shit: Divorce and cancer, which sucked. A pregnancy loss followed by a successful pregnancy (with a 52 hour labor; grimace).
But honestly, nothing compares to the most difficult passage of my life so far — leaving my fundamentalist religious community. The roots of belief (or as I like to call it, brainwashing) were planted in me when I was too young to question anything.
I still eventually did, thank the goddess.
I want to tell the story of my religious unraveling, but it won’t be in order. It won’t be nice. It might sometimes be funny. Definitely sad. And it will include excerpts from my often stupid, usually embarrassing, sometimes inspiring journals from along the entire journey. I’ll dig in and find the juicy nuggets, and share what came from it.
This will be a series of sorts.
Some people deal with life by taking action. Some seem to chalk up the hard things in life as shit luck and move on.
I deal with life in words.
My desire is to not only ‘do something with all of this shit,’ but to hopefully give strength and support to anyone else going through hard shit.
Leaving a high-control relationship and then a high-control religion.
Fear-based. Plant the scary fear of eternal damnation and people will do as you say. People are very easily controlled if given the right reasons.
Drawing a parallel — marriage to faith or vice versa.
Realize it’s all fear mongering and mind control.
My question to a “believer” (I love them all! But — )
What separates you and makes you chosen? Why are you better/chosen and how are you different from any other Christian that says they believe Jesus died for their sins? One true faith? There are hundreds of thousands of churches saying that. Because the Bible says it’s a small number going to Heaven? What’s small? Who defines that? And with all this, how are you not judging the world and condemning them all? You say you don’t judge?
— My stupid journal, November 2015
Stay tuned for my first chapter: Willful Sin!! OoooEeeeOooo!